like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
