That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
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It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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