have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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