I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
a search helicopter?!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
