After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
