Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
