this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
