Life is so much better after having sex.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
