why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
