I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He? As in you personified your dick?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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