I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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