...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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