That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
