well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
