I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
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