the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
