when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
