She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
