Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
