i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
