Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
