why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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