It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize