Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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