Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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