youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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