4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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