drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize