Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
