so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
