if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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