If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
