I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Small penises have feelings too.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
