I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
