Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
