I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
