it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
