it wasn't lemon gatorade
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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