Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
