You're my little dorito
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
