I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
