did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
