You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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