Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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