It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
