Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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