If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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