I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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