yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
