take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I'm really busy with my period
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