Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Boobs are out for the taking
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
