Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
