that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
