you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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