He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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