I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
