We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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