i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
