Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Welp...herpes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
