Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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