I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
