They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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