Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
