Cold hands, warm shart.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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