Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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