is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
