Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
