I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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