All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
