Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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