I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
