There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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