Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
