So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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I believe in your delicious
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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