she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
