You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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