My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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