Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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