my mouth tastes like poor choices
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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